Christmas Time is Here

With Turkey Day behind us it seems the whole world has turned to Christmas and the upcoming holiday season with gusto. The radio stations are playing solely holiday tunes (though, I admit, I gave up on them after hearing "Dominic the Donkey" today); the church is decked out with trees, wreaths, candles, and bright red bows; and our tiny P.O. box is filled to the brim every day with cheery catalogs. It's a joyous season and yet it's also the busiest month of the year!

Between extra meetings, special bulletins, long choir rehearsals, finals, shopping, wrapping, and traveling, I feel like I'm holding on for dear life some days. It's hard not to get carried away in the hustle and bustle! In moments like these, I try to remind myself to take life one step at a time, to prioritize what's most important, and to keep smiling through it all. Part of that "grace not perfection" mantra is taking time to admire the red and green decorations in the Pharmacy window on my way to work instead of speed-walking down the sidewalk, spending time in the evening addressing Christmas cards (they're black and white and so us!) instead of fretting over the bulletin formatting, taking a Saturday morning to bake Butter Cookies (a family tradition) instead of sending emails, and planning a few days of escape with family instead of sitting at home planning for the Spring.

This season, though busy and full of opportunities to feel overwhelmed, I choose peace. I choose thankfulness. I choose joy.

Happy Thanksgiving!

The hustle and bustle of the season is upon us! As much as I love the fall, I love the chillier weather that comes around this time of year. The holidays just wouldn't be the same without cozy hats and gloves, mugs of hot chocolate, and long evenings by the fire.

Thanksgiving is one of my very favorite holidays. I love the festive afternoon meal, the time with family and friends, and the focus on thankfulness. I grew up with many wonderful Thanksgiving Day traditions. We used to start the day by baking sweet potato biscuits, cooking the turkey, reheating casseroles, and making a batch of wild rice soup (Mom's favorite). In between "helping" in the kitchen, we'd watch the Macy's parade while busily unwrapping the silverware for dinner. In the afternoon, we greeted friends and family, watched Dad carve the turkey, and gathered around the table (or two, depending on the number of guests!) At each place, there were three kernels of dried corn and before dinner, we took turns speaking our blessings aloud (one thing for each kernel). It was always a wonderful opportunity to pause -- contemplate what it means to be thankful -- and share three of our many blessings.

This year, I'm exceedingly thankful for sweet friends and family who blessed us with thoughtful cards and gifts and celebrated our wedding day with us, for Steve - the love of my life - and the life God has set before us, and for the gift of grace.

Tomorrow, we'll begin our holiday weekend - we're spending a few days down at Steve's parents' home in CT for a time of feasting, fellowship, and Christmas tree-hunting! Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!

Actions Speak

"Actions speak louder than words." I think we often pause to "think before we speak" (at least we try to) but are we as careful and intentional with our actions? If our actions truly speak louder than words, then what kind of message are we sharing with those we encounter? What kind of impression are we leaving behind?

In this week leading up to Thanksgiving, everyone seems to be talking about counting their blessings, living a grateful life, and ways to give back to the community. The church is in full stewardship swing, the grocery store is doing a food drive for the local food pantry, and Christmas organizations are already asking for donations for those in need (as an aside, does anyone else think Christmas is coming a bit early this year?).

I think it's wonderful that people recognize Thanksgiving as a time to be thankful and reflect on God's abundant faithfulness but aren't these things we should strive for every day of the year? I want to count my blessings multiple times a day. I want to live a grateful life every day of the week. Every time that there is an opportunity, I want to give what I can to help those who are less fortunate. Actions speak louder than words. How will you show your thankfulness this week and in the weeks to come?

Happy birthday, darling

Today is my sweet husband's birthday. Happy birthday, darling! I love each and every opportunity to celebrate you - I admire you so much! I look forward to cooking a delicious steak dinner (or more accurately, watching you cook the steaks while I wrap the potatoes for baking) and sharing the evening with you. I love you!

Image Credit: Nicholas Garofalo

Fully Myself

This week, I let myself become overwhelmed by fear but then I confronted it head-on.

I took few steps backward in reaching one of my professional goals but I made progress in defining my dreams and ways to achieve them. Steps in any direction is progress in my book.

I wasn't always a great listener this week but I tried to give encouragement wherever I could.

I have a few items that have stayed on my to -do list all week but I crossed a few new things off my teuxdeux list each day.

I may have improvised a little in my cooking this week but I managed to cook a wholesome dinner on top of a busy teaching day.

"Be fully yourself." We've all heard it before. During childhood, the words, "Just be yourself," seemed to relate most to integrity, honesty, and self-confidence. In the context of this week, the words take on new meaning. Being "fully myself" means accepting myself, not giving in, taking constructive criticism and learning from the experience, holding on to hope, learning to listen, taking action on the things that I care about, and showing grace to myself and others.

Dream Big

It’s one of those statements that caught me a little off-guard when I first read it: “If your dreams don’t scare you, they’re not big enough.”  I thought dreams were supposed to be free and simple, floating in a blue sky like white, puffy clouds.  Uninhibited.  Undefined.  The thought of being scared by my dreams surprised me at first.  Who’s scared of a white, puffy cloud? It was cause for thought.  What are my dreams?  How big are they?  How real are they?  Everyone has a “someday” list.  Someday, I’d like to live in a brick townhouse on Park Avenue-esque street.  Will I ever live in a house like this?  Maybe.  Am I actively pursuing it?  No.  As I interrogated myself, I realized this really doesn’t qualify as a dream.  A dream requires goal-setting and small action steps.  White, puffy clouds aside, what are my real dreams and how am I actively pursuing them?

Last year, I dreamt of teaching at the college level.  Fourteen months later, I am in my third semester of adjunct teaching and was recently asked to prepare a new class for the spring.  Exciting, yes.  A great opportunity, yes.  Daunting, yes.  A dream that scares me, yes.  Let’s be honest – I had a mini meltdown just thinking about it this morning.  “When will I have time between now and then to read through three textbooks?  How will I be able to write out all of my lectures, make slides, and come up with assignments on top of my current teaching load?” I lamented.  The answer is simple in hindsight: action steps.

1. Make an outline of the chapters in each textbook. 2. Distribute chapter reading over course of semester (how many chapters on average per week?) 3. Skim each chapter and pull out relevant information. 4. Determine measures for evaluation (quizzes, tests, papers, projects, presentations, etc.) 5. Create measures for evaluation 6. Determine presentation methods (combination of lecture, slides, music listening, student presentations, etc.)

I remember how I felt in the weeks prior to my first day of college teaching (late last summer).  Expecting the unexpected.  Uncertain but confident.

Do your dreams have limits?  Are they bigger than life?  Do they scare you just a little bit?  Dream big – what do we have to lose?

Life Lately

Life lately has included a whirlwind, 24-hour trip to Memphis; an adventurous trip to the new Wegmans; several evening jogs together (a new thing for us); candlelight dinners with our new PB dish towel napkins; a marathon thank-you note writing session (several more to come!); 20% off our registry completion at Macy's; finding out our GPS was stolen out of the car sometime last week; an October blizzard with 22" of snow; an unexpected, 4.5-hr. trip to the ER; and calling in sick to work (I have NEVER done that before!).

Let me backtrack. Monday, I was in teacher-mode. I had my quiz materials ready, I had my book bag packed, I had my lesson materials prepared. Thirty minutes before I would have walked out the door, I saw him sit down in the middle of making lunch. His heart was racing. He was breathing as if he had just come back from a run. He felt too lightheaded to stand. I helped him upstairs to lie down. Thirty minutes later, I called in sick to work and we were on our way to the ER. I kept thinking, "How do I do this? How can I be strong enough for both of us?" Sitting in the waiting room, answering questions from the nurses, trying to calm his nerves, listening to the same news stories on repeat - it was an experience that stretched and challenged me. "You're my hero," he whispered. I just shook my head. "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13, I thought to myself. After a few tests (with normal results), they sent us home.

The next few days were long ones.

He, trying to rest and recuperate; me, trying to keep up with teaching, meetings, cooking, phone calls, etc. Sometimes, it feels like I'm on a roller coaster. Sometimes, I think I need that to remind me - life.is.short. Live while you can. Never take anything for granted. Enjoy the little things. Dwell in the moment. As I sat next to that sweet, sleeping man, I prayed that on days like these, I could be strong enough for both of us. "Cast your cares upon the Lord for He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7. In the midst of phone calls to the insurance company, doctor's offices, and the hospital, I prayed that I could learn how to care for him - in sickness and in health. I prayed that I could be the shoulder he leans on in times of weakness. Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous be shaken." Psalm 55:22. I prayed for a peaceful heart.

Now, at the end of a long, restless week, we're beginning to see signs of improvement. He got a good report at the doctor's office today and he even had a glass of wine waiting for me when I got home from choir tonight! I, for one am exceedingly thankful.

Thankfulness

Surprise! I have another wedding sneak peek for you today. This was our first moment as "Mr. and Mrs. Danyew" (a great iPhone capture - thanks, Cindy!) It's hard for me to believe that that picture was taken almost three weeks ago! Where has the time gone?

Yesterday, I admired the bold orange and red foliage on my way to teach in Fitchburg. Today, it's snowing (with an inch on the ground!) We're nearing one of my favorite holidays, you know. Of course, it comes wrapped up with both of our birthdays, Christmas, and New Year's all packaged into one busy holiday season. It's that time of the year when people talk about thankfulness and giving. "Take time to be thankful," they say. Take time to be thankful? What time?! There are thank you notes to write, emails to send, quizzes to grade, music to practice, phone calls to return, and services to be planned. Part of me says, "I'll take the time to count my blessings once I get through Christmas." This year, I'm learning that like grace, thankfulness is a way of life.

It shouldn't be something we just "do" because it's that time of the year. There's no prescribed method for "giving thanks" or "counting your blessings." For some, it might be a morning or evening prayer of gratitude. For others a passing, "Thank you," to someone for holding the door into the post office. For others still, it might be the act of listing their everyday blessings. For me, it's taking a moment to be still in the midst of very busy schedule, be peaceful in the midst of conflict, and be grateful.

I am grateful for my husband and our new life together.

I am grateful I was able to witness the first snowfall of the year this afternoon.

I am grateful for an energetic group of children who love to sing in choir.

I am grateful for all of our friends and family who came together to celebrate with us a few weeks ago.

I am grateful for the opportunity to witness joy on people's faces.

I am grateful for quiet evenings at home after long, busy days.

I am grateful for opportunities to teach and learn.

(And just because of the week I've had) I am grateful for the moments that get me fired up because I know God is shaping and molding me into His likeness.

I am grateful for the gift of new mercies each morning ("great is Thy faithfulness...").

I am grateful for moments of spontaneity and sheer bliss (as captured in the photo above).

I am grateful for love and acceptance and compassion.

I am grateful for grace, each and every day.

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Will you join me in committing to live a life of gratefulness?

Cracked Wide Open

Do you know those times when you feel like your head is in a million places? 

You're so busy trying to keep all 10 plates spinning that you're not really 100% present and that responsibility, that weight feels like the weight of the world upon your shoulders.

Can you relate? If so, I have a story for you.

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We had a busy weekend.

I spent six hours in the car on Saturday (dropping Steve off for a weekend away, picking up my dress in CT, and running a few last-minute wedding errands: who knew chalkboards were so hard to find?). 

The weight of Sunday morning began to set in. 

I stocked my night table with a box of tissues and cough drops (battling a cold since the middle of last week) and bought an extra alarm clock, just to be safe.  Good thing I thought to take it out of the box before going to bed — another trip out to buy AAA batteries.

Sunday morning, 6:45 a.m., neither alarm sounded.  Thankfully, my night was restless and I was awake anyway. 

I dressed for the foggy, cool morning, grabbed a coke, and ran out the door at 7:45 a.m. 

To-do:

• run-through music

• pick up chairs in Choir Room

• make a seating chart for the children's choir

• rehearse

At 8:45 a.m., I had four of the twelve children I was expecting to sing. 

At 9:00 a.m., I had half of the adult choir I expected. 

We started rehearsing nonetheless.  A few more faces joined the group and panic set in as they realized Steve (their unofficial "leader") was not there.  After a 60-second counseling session ("really, y'all will be just fine"), they were on their way.

I took my seat at the piano and waited for the announcements. 

Are the choir members leaving enough room for latecomers?  Are they being quiet? 

Lifting my hands to the keyboard for the prelude, I saw the pastor stand up and make his way to the center.  I scrambled to change books when I realized he was skipping ahead.  No worries, crisis averted. 

And so we proceeded:

Gathering Song
Call to Worship
Opening Hymn: four verses, melody on the swell manual for verse 3. It's just one wrong note — let it go.
Passing of the Peace: old language in the bulletin — remember to fix that in staff meeting. Don't slip running down to the piano!
Scripture readings
Time with the Children: will that children's choir member remember that we're singing today since he missed the rehearsal?
Combined anthem (three choirs): it's worth the split-second pause to make sure the page is turned Meditation: why is my contact so blurry? Will I have to play the rest of the service with one eye closed?
Middle Hymn: three verses, adjust melody second time through based on how the congregation is singing it Joys/Concerns: a moment of panic when all eyes turn to me with the announcement of our wedding next weekend
Lord's Prayer (sung)
Offertory
Doxology
Offertory Prayer: bolt to organ for Closing Hymn — no time to hesitate, play introduction, hear whispers, see people sit down, read the word, "Communion!" on choir members' lips.  (This prayer is new in the communion service and for over a year it's been my cue to run to the organ.  So, I heard the prayer, and I ran to the organ.  Completely blind once I’m back there, I completely skipped the communion portion of the service.) Skulk back down to the piano. Bread, music (wait for the pastor), cup, music (wait for the pastor), prayer: dash to the organ
Closing Hymn: four verses, make sure choir leaves on verse 2 after the deacons have extinguished the candles Benediction: dash to the piano
Benediction Response: who is talking in the back of the church?
Postlude

Cracked. wide. open. 

Do you know how that feels?  Do you know how hard it is to not let yourself fall apart but instead, to pick up your broken self and keep going?  I suddenly felt much sicker than I really was.  Foggy lightheadedness felt like it could just consume me.  But I had to keep going. 

It's not that I expect perfection — I know things can never be perfect.  I strive to be invisible in worship, to be an instrument, per se.  I want the music to speak for itself and I don't want to do anything that detracts from that.

Yesterday, as hard as it was to come out from behind the organ to play the rest of the service — broken and embarrassed, I managed.  I struggled with showing grace to myself.  It's hard for me to just accept such a public moment of fault as "okay." 

I took a risk. 

I didn't hesitate with the hymn introduction — I came right in, boldly and confidently.  This is one small consequence of that level of risk-taking.  Is it worth it?  Is it better to take the plunge and play your heart out at the wrong time or hesitate, play with half of yourself, and perhaps avoid such public errors?

I'd rather be known as someone who brings their whole heart into what they do; someone who takes those risks and is willing to make those public mistakes; someone who can be cracked. wide. open. and still, keep going. 

Grace is part of the process.

Keeping Up

We're at the 19-day marker, y'all.

It sounds a little better right now to say "a little less than three weeks" — seems like that gives us more time to get everything in order for the BIG DAY. 

• We have collections of pewter dishes, ribbons, wine bottles, and Christmas decorations (from the Christmas Choir Kick-Off this weekend) lining our entryway. 

• I have about eight pieces of clothing hanging on my closet door (literally since the first week of August) to bring to the dry cleaner. 

• I am going to try on my dress this weekend for the first time since April. 

The pace of life is fast right now... and by fast I mean flying.

This week, that meant typing up grant applications for the WCMW while driving to VT for wedding errands, emailing schedules to the wedding vendors while sitting at the laundromat, checking emails on my Blackberry in between choir rehearsals, and writing out the seating chart for the rehearsal dinner on scratch paper in the car. 

Oh, and I downed my coffee/hot chocolate this morning in three minutes flat before running out the door to get ready for church.

The question, "Am I keeping up with everything?" is one that I ask myself at least five times a day. Can you relate?

Albert Einstein has some pretty great words of advice for people like us: "Life is like riding a bicycle: In order to keep your balance, you must keep moving." 

I think balance is a key word here. 

Forward motion is important, but it doesn't drive everything.  In order to get everything done that needs to be done, I need balance in my life.

For me, balance means:

• taking a breather from emails on the weekends (at least from my school account)

• spending less time on my laptop/Blackberry on the weekends in general

• taking time to cook dinner with Steve on weekend nights (last night, we made apple- and bacon-stuffed pork chops with a maple glaze)

• not lingering at church after the service — cleaning up the Choir Room can wait until Monday evening

• making time to do something on the weekend that I wouldn't normally do during the week (for instance, yesterday, I made fresh guacamole... up until the point when I sliced my finger open with our brand new tomato knife.  Steve had to take over on this one.)

• spending a few minutes at the end of each day writing down everything I want to remember in the morning

• taking a short walk to the Post Office after lunch (fresh air + exercise + no Blackberry = mental breather)

• sending more emails from my Blackberry during the day (in between things) rather than waiting until I am at my computer again

How do you keep up?  How do you achieve balance in everyday work?