Today is my sweet husband's birthday. Happy birthday, darling! I love each and every opportunity to celebrate you - I admire you so much! I look forward to cooking a delicious steak dinner (or more accurately, watching you cook the steaks while I wrap the potatoes for baking) and sharing the evening with you. I love you!
Image Credit: Nicholas Garofalo
This week, I let myself become overwhelmed by fear but then I confronted it head-on.
I took few steps backward in reaching one of my professional goals but I made progress in defining my dreams and ways to achieve them. Steps in any direction is progress in my book.
I wasn't always a great listener this week but I tried to give encouragement wherever I could.
I have a few items that have stayed on my to -do list all week but I crossed a few new things off my teuxdeux list each day.
I may have improvised a little in my cooking this week but I managed to cook a wholesome dinner on top of a busy teaching day.
"Be fully yourself." We've all heard it before. During childhood, the words, "Just be yourself," seemed to relate most to integrity, honesty, and self-confidence. In the context of this week, the words take on new meaning. Being "fully myself" means accepting myself, not giving in, taking constructive criticism and learning from the experience, holding on to hope, learning to listen, taking action on the things that I care about, and showing grace to myself and others.
It’s one of those statements that caught me a little off-guard when I first read it: “If your dreams don’t scare you, they’re not big enough.” I thought dreams were supposed to be free and simple, floating in a blue sky like white, puffy clouds. Uninhibited. Undefined. The thought of being scared by my dreams surprised me at first. Who’s scared of a white, puffy cloud? It was cause for thought. What are my dreams? How big are they? How real are they? Everyone has a “someday” list. Someday, I’d like to live in a brick townhouse on Park Avenue-esque street. Will I ever live in a house like this? Maybe. Am I actively pursuing it? No. As I interrogated myself, I realized this really doesn’t qualify as a dream. A dream requires goal-setting and small action steps. White, puffy clouds aside, what are my real dreams and how am I actively pursuing them?
Last year, I dreamt of teaching at the college level. Fourteen months later, I am in my third semester of adjunct teaching and was recently asked to prepare a new class for the spring. Exciting, yes. A great opportunity, yes. Daunting, yes. A dream that scares me, yes. Let’s be honest – I had a mini meltdown just thinking about it this morning. “When will I have time between now and then to read through three textbooks? How will I be able to write out all of my lectures, make slides, and come up with assignments on top of my current teaching load?” I lamented. The answer is simple in hindsight: action steps.
1. Make an outline of the chapters in each textbook. 2. Distribute chapter reading over course of semester (how many chapters on average per week?) 3. Skim each chapter and pull out relevant information. 4. Determine measures for evaluation (quizzes, tests, papers, projects, presentations, etc.) 5. Create measures for evaluation 6. Determine presentation methods (combination of lecture, slides, music listening, student presentations, etc.)
I remember how I felt in the weeks prior to my first day of college teaching (late last summer). Expecting the unexpected. Uncertain but confident.
Do your dreams have limits? Are they bigger than life? Do they scare you just a little bit? Dream big – what do we have to lose?
Life lately has included a whirlwind, 24-hour trip to Memphis; an adventurous trip to the new Wegmans; several evening jogs together (a new thing for us); candlelight dinners with our new PB dish towel napkins; a marathon thank-you note writing session (several more to come!); 20% off our registry completion at Macy's; finding out our GPS was stolen out of the car sometime last week; an October blizzard with 22" of snow; an unexpected, 4.5-hr. trip to the ER; and calling in sick to work (I have NEVER done that before!).
Let me backtrack. Monday, I was in teacher-mode. I had my quiz materials ready, I had my book bag packed, I had my lesson materials prepared. Thirty minutes before I would have walked out the door, I saw him sit down in the middle of making lunch. His heart was racing. He was breathing as if he had just come back from a run. He felt too lightheaded to stand. I helped him upstairs to lie down. Thirty minutes later, I called in sick to work and we were on our way to the ER. I kept thinking, "How do I do this? How can I be strong enough for both of us?" Sitting in the waiting room, answering questions from the nurses, trying to calm his nerves, listening to the same news stories on repeat - it was an experience that stretched and challenged me. "You're my hero," he whispered. I just shook my head. "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13, I thought to myself. After a few tests (with normal results), they sent us home.
The next few days were long ones.
He, trying to rest and recuperate; me, trying to keep up with teaching, meetings, cooking, phone calls, etc. Sometimes, it feels like I'm on a roller coaster. Sometimes, I think I need that to remind me - life.is.short. Live while you can. Never take anything for granted. Enjoy the little things. Dwell in the moment. As I sat next to that sweet, sleeping man, I prayed that on days like these, I could be strong enough for both of us. "Cast your cares upon the Lord for He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7. In the midst of phone calls to the insurance company, doctor's offices, and the hospital, I prayed that I could learn how to care for him - in sickness and in health. I prayed that I could be the shoulder he leans on in times of weakness. Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous be shaken." Psalm 55:22. I prayed for a peaceful heart.
Now, at the end of a long, restless week, we're beginning to see signs of improvement. He got a good report at the doctor's office today and he even had a glass of wine waiting for me when I got home from choir tonight! I, for one am exceedingly thankful.
The beginning of a new month always seems like a good time to step back, reflect on the last month, and plan for the weeks to come. Also, it's been a little while since I've given y'all a professional update! Here we go:
PIANO STUDIO
We just passed the midway point of the semester and all seven students are doing great! I had three new students start lessons this summer, which was great but there were a few students from last year who were unable to continue this semester so it sort of evened out. Our next recital will be sometime in the spring so for the time being, we are working through new repertoire and technique exercises. I am hoping to put together some type of assessment for maybe January or February. I'm envisioning a low-key jury week where each student is asked to perform a solo piece or two and maybe a few technique exercises. This would give me the opportunity to evaluate their progress and give more formal feedback to the students and their parents.
WCMW
We are in the off-season for the Westminster Chamber Music Workshop but that doesn't mean we're not working on next year already! Steve and I just finished applying for two Cultural Council grants and we're beginning to plan some of the events. Speaking of events, we've also been maintaining a monthly "Community Concert Calendar" on our blog. If you're in the area, check out our November calendar of events. We're hoping to really focus on the musical events for the community this year and we'd like to keep everything free (as much as that is possible). We're also talking about adding a new element this year but that's all I'm allowed to share with you! Check our website in the coming months for more details!
FITCHBURG STATE UNIVERSITY
This semester I am teaching one section of MUSC 2500: Class Piano I at Fitchburg State. I have five students enrolled and all are doing well. Our second quiz is tomorrow! A few weeks ago, the Humanities Department Chair asked me if I would consider teaching a 3-credit course called "Commonwealth of the Arts" (in addition to two sections of Class Piano I) next semester. There are several sections of this course offered each semester and many students are required to take it to fulfill their Humanities requirement. Each professor takes a different approach: some focus on art, some focus on music, others focus on theatre. The Department Chair recommended I use a particular set of textbooks (6-book series) but it was up to me what time frame I wanted to cover, what assignments I want to give, and what area I want to focus on throughout the semester. After flipping through a borrowed set of books, my first instinct is to focus on books 4-6. Book 4 starts in the Baroque period and book 6 is all Modern. Each book includes elements of art, music, and theatre. I am still in the early planning stages but I am very excited for this new teaching opportunity!
In 2010, a few Humanities faculty members started the Foundation Music Lesson Program at Fitchburg State. Steve and I were both asked to join the faculty - lessons are offered for a variety of instruments to faculty, staff, students, and community members alike. Over the summer, one of the co-founders asked me to consider the role of Program Coordinator, responsible for student registrations, coordinating with the teachers, arranging lesson facilities, and overseeing recitals. I said yes. I am now several months in to this position and am enjoying the opportunity to teach and work administratively in this program. I organized a faculty recital back in September and we had a very interesting, very diverse program. This month, we will begin marketing for the Spring semester - lessons, group classes, a student recital, and hopefully, another faculty recital!
FIRST CONGREGATIONAL CHURCH
The children in Singers & Scholars, our joint choir and Bible study program for 1st-8th graders are loving our around-the-world adventure! We just finished the Africa unit with songs like "Siyahamba" and "A Ram Sam Sam" and are gearing up for our month in the Navajo Nation. The Sanctuary Choir (our adult choir, though many of them are still children at heart) is preparing for a special Thanksgiving Eve service and a Christmas Cantata in mid-December. The Thanksgiving service is combined with the Catholic church down the street. We alternate hosting the service (this year, it's at their church) and the choirs combine for a special anthem. My choir refers to them as "the BIG choir" - they can't believe the number of tenors! Last year, we had about 45 between the two groups. While re-organizing the Choir Room a little bit this summer, I came across 15 copies of a 1997 SAB Christmas cantata by John Purifoy. It's not half bad! I decided it would be just right for our group this year. It's about 30-35 minutes in length, includes a narrator, and incorporates several of the favorite carols. And besides, the choir hasn't done a cantata in over 15 years (or so they tell me). There is no better time than the present!
DUO
Steve and I perform together every few months, though we haven't done anything big since our lecture recital back in April. See clips here, here, and here. Our most recent gig was in August at the church's annual Yankee Street Fair. We played a 45-minute set under a yellow- and white-striped tent just hours before Tropical Storm Irene came barreling down Main Street. We were asked a few months ago to prepare a short program for young children in town. We're hoping to do something similar to the Musical Memory Game which we premiered at this year's WCMW. As a way of engaging such a young audience, Steve and I will play short clips of music and the children will be asked to decide which ones matched. Stay tuned for more info on this - we're aiming for early 2012!
Image Credit: Jen Shenk, personal, personal, personal, Nicholas Garofalo (last two)
Surprise! I have another wedding sneak peek for you today. This was our first moment as "Mr. and Mrs. Danyew" (a great iPhone capture - thanks, Cindy!) It's hard for me to believe that that picture was taken almost three weeks ago! Where has the time gone?
Yesterday, I admired the bold orange and red foliage on my way to teach in Fitchburg. Today, it's snowing (with an inch on the ground!) We're nearing one of my favorite holidays, you know. Of course, it comes wrapped up with both of our birthdays, Christmas, and New Year's all packaged into one busy holiday season. It's that time of the year when people talk about thankfulness and giving. "Take time to be thankful," they say. Take time to be thankful? What time?! There are thank you notes to write, emails to send, quizzes to grade, music to practice, phone calls to return, and services to be planned. Part of me says, "I'll take the time to count my blessings once I get through Christmas." This year, I'm learning that like grace, thankfulness is a way of life.
It shouldn't be something we just "do" because it's that time of the year. There's no prescribed method for "giving thanks" or "counting your blessings." For some, it might be a morning or evening prayer of gratitude. For others a passing, "Thank you," to someone for holding the door into the post office. For others still, it might be the act of listing their everyday blessings. For me, it's taking a moment to be still in the midst of very busy schedule, be peaceful in the midst of conflict, and be grateful.
I am grateful for my husband and our new life together.
I am grateful I was able to witness the first snowfall of the year this afternoon.
I am grateful for an energetic group of children who love to sing in choir.
I am grateful for all of our friends and family who came together to celebrate with us a few weeks ago.
I am grateful for the opportunity to witness joy on people's faces.
I am grateful for quiet evenings at home after long, busy days.
I am grateful for opportunities to teach and learn.
(And just because of the week I've had) I am grateful for the moments that get me fired up because I know God is shaping and molding me into His likeness.
I am grateful for the gift of new mercies each morning ("great is Thy faithfulness...").
I am grateful for moments of spontaneity and sheer bliss (as captured in the photo above).
I am grateful for love and acceptance and compassion.
I am grateful for grace, each and every day.
----------------
Will you join me in committing to live a life of gratefulness?
Do you know those times when you feel like your head is in a million places?
You're so busy trying to keep all 10 plates spinning that you're not really 100% present and that responsibility, that weight feels like the weight of the world upon your shoulders.
Can you relate? If so, I have a story for you.
We had a busy weekend.
I spent six hours in the car on Saturday (dropping Steve off for a weekend away, picking up my dress in CT, and running a few last-minute wedding errands: who knew chalkboards were so hard to find?).
The weight of Sunday morning began to set in.
I stocked my night table with a box of tissues and cough drops (battling a cold since the middle of last week) and bought an extra alarm clock, just to be safe. Good thing I thought to take it out of the box before going to bed — another trip out to buy AAA batteries.
Sunday morning, 6:45 a.m., neither alarm sounded. Thankfully, my night was restless and I was awake anyway.
I dressed for the foggy, cool morning, grabbed a coke, and ran out the door at 7:45 a.m.
To-do:
run-through music
pick up chairs in Choir Room
make a seating chart for the children's choir
rehearse
At 8:45 a.m., I had four of the twelve children I was expecting to sing.
At 9:00 a.m., I had half of the adult choir I expected.
We started rehearsing nonetheless. A few more faces joined the group and panic set in as they realized Steve (their unofficial "leader") was not there. After a 60-second counseling session ("really, y'all will be just fine"), they were on their way.
I took my seat at the piano and waited for the announcements.
Are the choir members leaving enough room for latecomers? Are they being quiet?
Lifting my hands to the keyboard for the prelude, I saw the pastor stand up and make his way to the center. I scrambled to change books when I realized he was skipping ahead. No worries, crisis averted.
And so we proceeded:
Gathering Song
Call to Worship
Opening Hymn: four verses, melody on the swell manual for verse 3. It's just one wrong note — let it go.
Passing of the Peace: old language in the bulletin — remember to fix that in staff meeting. Don't slip running down to the piano!
Scripture readings
Time with the Children: will that children's choir member remember that we're singing today since he missed the rehearsal?
Combined anthem (three choirs): it's worth the split-second pause to make sure the page is turned Meditation: why is my contact so blurry? Will I have to play the rest of the service with one eye closed?
Middle Hymn: three verses, adjust melody second time through based on how the congregation is singing it Joys/Concerns: a moment of panic when all eyes turn to me with the announcement of our wedding next weekend
Lord's Prayer (sung)
Offertory
Doxology
Offertory Prayer: bolt to organ for Closing Hymn — no time to hesitate, play introduction, hear whispers, see people sit down, read the word, "Communion!" on choir members' lips. (This prayer is new in the communion service and for over a year it's been my cue to run to the organ. So, I heard the prayer, and I ran to the organ. Completely blind once I’m back there, I completely skipped the communion portion of the service.) Skulk back down to the piano. Bread, music (wait for the pastor), cup, music (wait for the pastor), prayer: dash to the organ
Closing Hymn: four verses, make sure choir leaves on verse 2 after the deacons have extinguished the candles Benediction: dash to the piano
Benediction Response: who is talking in the back of the church?
Postlude
Do you know how that feels? Do you know how hard it is to not let yourself fall apart but instead, to pick up your broken self and keep going? I suddenly felt much sicker than I really was. Foggy lightheadedness felt like it could just consume me. But I had to keep going.
It's not that I expect perfection — I know things can never be perfect. I strive to be invisible in worship, to be an instrument, per se. I want the music to speak for itself and I don't want to do anything that detracts from that.
Yesterday, as hard as it was to come out from behind the organ to play the rest of the service — broken and embarrassed, I managed. I struggled with showing grace to myself. It's hard for me to just accept such a public moment of fault as "okay."
I took a risk.
I didn't hesitate with the hymn introduction — I came right in, boldly and confidently. This is one small consequence of that level of risk-taking. Is it worth it? Is it better to take the plunge and play your heart out at the wrong time or hesitate, play with half of yourself, and perhaps avoid such public errors?
I'd rather be known as someone who brings their whole heart into what they do; someone who takes those risks and is willing to make those public mistakes; someone who can be cracked. wide. open. and still, keep going.
Grace is part of the process.
Well, we're back from our whirlwind trip to Rochester... and we're working on getting back in the swing of things. It's a little more than six hours each way and while we both love road trips, it was a little taxing to drive there and back in the span of three days. On the way there, we were very productive: we mapped out an agenda for the wedding rehearsal (processional order, who sits where, etc.), made to-do lists for the days leading up to the wedding, made a list of things left to buy, and wrote down a list of emails to send this week. On the way home, one of us drove most of the way and one of us took a series of short naps (okay, I confess - I just couldn't keep my eyes open!).
Nevertheless, it was a great trip. We arrived in Rochester around 6:00 p.m. on Sunday and settled on Dinosaur BBQ for dinner. Y'all are probably thinking, "Barbeque? In upstate New York?" Let me tell you, it's delicious and authentic and in all the time we lived in Rochester, we never visited the restaurant! We ordered a pulled pork sandwich and half of a rack of ribs (along with several sides: cajun corn, macaroni and cheese, collard greens, cornbread, and baked beans). We ordered a piece of Blackjack Pie to go (pecan pie with Jack Daniels and chocolate chips).
We spent most of Monday soaking up Gibbs Street: Eastman's Main Hall, Java's, sitting in on an RPO rehearsal (Steve), surprise visits with professors and friends, and observing the Wind Ensemble dress rehearsal. This was the first time either of us heard Steve's new piece ("Distant Moons") - great experience. The director even asked him to come up on stage to give a few comments! Reason #54 for upgrading to a phone with a camera. We changed into our evening attire, had dinner down East Ave. at Veneto - a wood-fired sausage, pepper, and onion pizza with salad - and even had time for a cup of coffee (and our third visit to Java's) before the concert at 8:00 p.m.
This was a combined concert for the Eastman Wind Orchestra and the Eastman Wind Ensemble. Here is the program:
As a side note, the Eastman Wind Orchestra is the school's freshman/sophomore wind ensemble, focusing on standard wind band classics, music for chamber winds, new music for wind ensemble and transcriptions. The Eastman Wind Ensemble is America’s leading wind ensemble, and has frequently toured and recorded. Its core of about 50 performers includes undergraduate and graduate students performing wind ensemble music from the 17th to the 21st centuries.
"Distant Moons" is a work based on the black and white photography of American icon Ansel Adams. Musically, the piece is full of contrasts, imitating the light/dark, near/distant, high/low contrasts of Adams' work. "I can see Ansel Adams' work when I listen to your piece," a woman said to Steve at the end of the piece. It was so exciting to be a part of the audience for this world premiere!
Today, we are back at Eastman. It's a perfect time in the semester to escape for a few days and what better reason than for the world premiere of one of Steve's pieces for wind ensemble! Yes, the Eastman Wind Ensemble, under the direction of Dr. Mark Scatterday will be premiering "Distant Moons" tonight at 8 p.m. in this hall. This is the inside of Kodak Hall at Eastman Theatre, by the way. The chandelier is one of my favorite features. A few things I am looking forward to during this trip:
- Hearing the whole program tonight - it's been such a long time since we've been to a concert! - A walk down to Orange Glory for the best lemon cookie in the world - Visiting with teachers and friends - Quiet dinner out (still trying to settle on a restaurant!) - Apple Cider from Java's
While we're still quasi-working during our visit, I think it's important for us to set everything aside (at least for part of the day) and take a breather. The past few weeks have been crazy with school, teaching, choirs, and wedding planning and the next few are going to be just as busy. (I'm dreaming about ivory vs. white tablecloths, y'all.) I just keep reminding myself how important it is to prioritize and give 100% of myself to one. thing. at. a. time. Grace, not perfection. This is not a multitasking competition (though, I think I would be awesome at that). The joy is in the journey!
It's the most wonderful time of the year! We had our Christmas Choir Kick-Off this past Saturday and the weather turned cool just in time! From red and green Christmas sweaters to the potluck lunch and paper snowflakes to gingerbread houses, a great time was had by all. Here are a few pictures from the day:
My team's gingerbread house creation: notice the woodpile, warm glowing windows, picket fence, garlands, bushes, and fresh snowfall.
